Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
