Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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