did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
