mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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