She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
