Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
