I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize