Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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