i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
