the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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