apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
