3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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