just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
