I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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