I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
