Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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