I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
