I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
