he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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