Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
