Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
