I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
