Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
