He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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