I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
