i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
