I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
