Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize