I think I died a long time ago.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
