See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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