so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
