My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
