I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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