Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
