I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
