just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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