I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
