Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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