i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
