i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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