id be glad to
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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