Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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