So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
