Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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