I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
