Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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