How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
