I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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