You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
