I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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