I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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