worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
