Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
