Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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