hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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