the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
