He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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