Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
