I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
