She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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