Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
