Your mouth is God's brothel.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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