I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize