Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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