She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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