Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am naked and annoyed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
