This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
