Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
