I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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