I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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