1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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