me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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