Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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