I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
