We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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