I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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