i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
areolas are like halos for boobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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