Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
